In our culture, we are taught that we must be fiercely independent and not rely on others. We must put on our big girl pants and be tough. AND most of all...we CANNOT rely on others! I'm sure you've heard phrases like, "You must be your own best friend" or "You need to love yourself before anyone else can" or "If you want something, you have to do it yourself". I can see validity in these statements, but it's missing something HUGE!
Do you want to know what's missing?
We ARE by our very nature relational beings. We NEED other people. Look at the human infant and how long it needs their parents to care for them.
Simply put - human beings need other human beings! We are not meant to be alone. We are pack animals for God sake. Our very DNA requires love, acceptance, and belonging.
I believed in the hype too... I told myself the same stores. For example,
Don't rely on others
You must be your own best friend
You have to meet your own needs
Stop being needy
No one can love you like you love yourself
blah blah blah...you get my point, right?
I want YOU to understand this is a LIE. We need others. We really do. And when we believe this lie, we end up not getting our needs met. This leads to severe depression, isolation, addiction, and even suicide.
In my own life, I started to become brave enough to ask others for what I need and it's made a huge difference.
-Perhaps, you need a hug from a partner or loved one. You need to ask for it!
-Perhaps, you need to talk to someone about how you're feeling. Go and ask for it!
-Perhaps, you need to know if your outfit looks good or you want feedback on something you've created. Ask for it!
-Maybe you need attention or affection. Ask for it!
-Or you would like to hear from a loved one more often. Simply ask!
-Perhaps, you need to laugh or have deep conversations with others. Go for it!
We all have needs that are unique to us. We can no longer deny these needs and they are likely not going to go away until they are satiated. In fact, when our needs go unmet, it turns into very unconscious anger and deep resentment towards others.
What holds us back from asking is the strong fear of rejection. What if I ask and I'm rejected? This is very real and very scary. However, we MUST be willing to put ourselves out there. Many times our close friends and family have no idea what we need from them.
You may be thinking, okay so what if I'm brave enough to ask for it and I'm rejected or told no? Explain to them how important this need is to you. If you are still met with rejection, you likely need to re-evaluate this relationship or get help.
SO this holiday season....perhaps the best gift you can give or receive is to ask the people around you what their needs are and try to meet them OR start opening up about your own needs. Trust me, it feels amazing!